So you’ve moved past mere dating into a promising new relationship with someone you hope could be the one. Chances are, the two of you met in the first place because of some hot and probably mutual flirting.
It was fun and exciting. Maybe you didn’t notice then that your new partner has a habit of flirting with everyone.
But now you have noticed. Doubt has crept in to make you wonder if all that flirting is a sign that your new romance is not as solid as you once thought. She flirts with the waiter or the cute security attendant.
He seems to lavish his charm on someone new every time you go out. And it leaves you feeling wounded, confused, and even betrayed.
Before you issue angry ultimatums or break it off prematurely, here are some methods to help put things into perspective — and guide you in deciding what to do next.
1. Talk it over
Resentment is like mold — it grows fastest in dark, hidden places. If you have concerns about how much your partner flirts with others, bring them into the open. Ask direct questions and welcome honest answers. You may find that a misunderstanding lies at the heart of the matter.
2. Consider your partner’s motives
Psychologists point out that not all flirting is about the search for sex or new relationships. For some, it masks a sense of insecurity, or is simply playful, never intended to go past that moment.
Others use flirting to gain some immediate advantage, like free drinks at the bar or as a means to jump the ATM queue. Find out which flirting “style” best describes your partner and try seeing things through their eyes.
3. Consider your own motives
It’s possible that what you call flirting is really just normal, harmless social interaction. Check your own pulse to be sure you aren’t showing signs of unreasonable possessiveness or jealousy.
4. Understand how men work
The fact is, a certain amount of flirting is pressed into our DNA as humans — yourself included. Any attempt to eradicate it entirely, just because you’ve begun a more serious relationship, is unrealistic, and maybe even impossible.
On top of that, research has shown that people are more likely to pursue something — even in spite of known negative consequences — if they think it represents “forbidden” fruit.
5. See the big picture
If the person you are dating has a habit of flirting, resist the temptation to let it become the sole piece of evidence upon which you judge the relationship. What do other signs suggest? Do you genuinely enjoy each other when together? Do you communicate well?
6. Flirt with your partner
This doesn’t mean play silly mind games designed to spur jealousy in your partner. But rather than pouting from across the room, you can choose to become the most interesting, attractive, flirty person in the room.
It will remind your partner why he or she came to be with you in the first place.
7. Be true to yourself
If you’ve done all the above, and your gut still tells you something isn’t right, then do what you must to hold your boundaries. Insist on better treatment, or — failing that — make your exit.
