“The Diary of a Frustrated Nigerian Daughter – Tribal Wars”

What difference does it make in cases where you bring home an ‘oyinbo’ home for marriage and you get full permission to marry but when a Yoruba man/woman is brought home,they get rejected? Is it not the same strange culture that has been brought home?

Most of us have been to that point where we have to take the worst decisions ever,while to some it is the best decision ever. Several relationships have crashed due to the decisions made by a strong factor known as “Tribal

discrimination” which has become a stigma on individuals who love each other so well just because they represent different tribes ignoring the fact that we hail from the same nation.

There are six geopolitical zones in Nigeria. For those in the south west, the south-south &south east are one I.e..they are all Igbo’s. So you start hearing stuffs like don’t bring a Yoruba man home, or don’t marry an Igbo man even if the person seems to hail from port Harcourt or a Benue indegene at most.

In most cases, individuals have settled down for separation in relationships or dare not go into such relationship only because our parents have made promises to disown or support such marriages. This has its toil more on the female gender because we have soft hearts which has been finetuned to obeying family and following traditions. which is why when you ask some men if they can marry from another tribe, they give positive responses unlike the ladies where the reverse is the case.

Giving tribal excuses as an hindrance to a happy marriage is a very wrong way of thinking. I have seen case studies of married couples who hail from the same state, village etc. and are not happily married today. What they still have together is ‘Enduring one another’ because of the kids or fear of family hatred/society.

The same thing goes to those who hail from different tribes. But what does this tell you? Marriage issues aren’t restricted to reasons attributed to the problem of diverse tribes. Every marriage has its own storm and the “Same tribe syndrome” shouldn’t be an exemption.

One strong factor behind this tribal discrimination is the fear of having to cope with the other culture. But this is nothing if you have a good level of understanding with your spouse.

In fact, you can agree to teach each other, become more adventurous with an open mind to learn something new everytime you spend time with the family. But don’t get me wrong, no one is asking you to be blinded with love not to be culture conscious of cultures with dangerous practises even though within our tribes we still have them.

Language barrier is never an issue between couples but the families involved because I am sure you have your way of communicating with your partner.

It is not your headache!!! At the end of the day you are ‘on your own'(OYO) with no family member to help you live right. Your happiness is all that matters.

In cases where we have adamant parents, humility, patience and prayers is needed. Try to make them see your own view of things calmly and wisely without having to fight for it.

Its so sad that most of us believe that hailing from the same tribe is a gateway to a happy marriage. What we need to watch out for instead is, (a) Gods consent (b) the character of the family you are about to get married to -the family matters too to an extent (c) the kind of person you are getting married to (d)if you have a good level of understanding between yourselves and lastly (e) your happiness.

Successful marriages are not because of the “same tribe syndrome”, but because of the level of understanding. We must agree that in our society today, there are still diverse cultured couples who are worth applauding today and should be emulated before we make that dreadful decision of being influenced by tribal sentiments or not.

I know most people wont agree to this. But ask yourselves, will you be happy if your choice of partner was influenced by tribal sentiments and you end up in an unhappy marriage for life? No one wants a life of regrets. It is wrong to kill the hope of a better tomorrow by discriminating with tribal sentiments.

Thanks,
Adesete Dorcas.