How to stop being unlucky in love

Whether you swear by the idea of fate, luck, and chance or you think effort wins everywhere, you can’t deny that if you’re seriously single long-term, you start to feel like you’re losing at the game of love.

Here’s how to stop being unlucky in love once and for all.

1. Be honest about your fears

We’re all afraid of something. It’s part of the rollercoaster ride of being alive. Some of us are totally terrified of falling in love since it means being vulnerable and showing that you have something to lose. Others are afraid of intimacy, emotional and physical. Once you tell yourself what you’re actually afraid of, you can take steps towards getting over it – and open yourself up to love.

2. Stop playing the victim

Sorry, I know you’re awesome, but you have to stop telling your girlfriends that you just can’t meet a nice guy and that no one will ever want to marry you. It’s just not true. Celebrate what makes you that super unique snowflake that we’ve been taught to believe we are. If you think you’re unlovable, that’s the image that you’re going to project to the world and to your future dates, and that won’t get you the love that you’re hoping for.

3. Never rewind

If you’re getting cheated on for the second time, it’s not completely your fault – this guy’s obviously a jerk just like the last one. But if you’re ignoring the signs, then you have to admit that you played a role in the situation. When it comes to dating, never press rewind and stop making the same mistakes all over again. You’re going to have pretty bad luck if you repeat yourself in every new relationship.

4. Bring your A-game on first dates

Of course first dates suck for the most part. But one day you’ll go on one that won’t suck at all – it’ll be the complete opposite. You won’t want to show up to the bar or restaurant like you’d rather be at home watching Netflix – you want your dream guy to think you’re as fun and amazing as you actually are. So no matter how badly your dates seem to be going, still be yourself, and you’ll win every time.

5. Have one or two deal breakers

Oh, the dealbreaker. It’s a super tricky subject. Some of us swear by our lists and others think they’re unrealistic. If you want to be lucky in love, you absolutely need at least one or two because they’ll stop you from going down a road you really don’t want to travel. Maybe you don’t want to date a smoker or someone who lives at home – totally fair.

6. Go easy on yourself (and others too)

After a particularly dull date, it’s easy to get frustrated and blame yourself for never seeming to meet anyone cool – and of course you blame the other person too for being so boring. That attitude will only make you question your bad luck. Instead, think of the date as a missed love connection and move on.

7. Love the search

Seems impossible but it’s actually not. As our lives and our relationship statuses change, we tend to forget the things we used to get upset about and have a whole new set of things to stress about. Today you’re lamenting the fact that you’re single and next month you’ll be freaking out about meeting your new boyfriend’s parents. Appreciate each step of the journey.

8. Forget the fantasy

It would be amazing if you bump into the cutest guy ever on your way to Starbucks tomorrow morning – but that probably won’t happen. No matter how big of a romantic you are, it’s best to forget the fantasies and fairy tales and think of romance in a totally new way.

9. Redefine your definition of luck

At the end of the day, of course, you can only control so much. You can go on a million dates a month and still not find the right person. In the meantime, though, you can decide what “luck” really means to you. Maybe you’re just glad that you do work on a daily basis that you actually like or you want to get all cheesy and appreciate the fact that you have food, water, and shelter. As long as you realize how lucky you really are, the “love” part of the equation won’t be far behind.

10. Take some responsibility for your life

To say you’re unlucky in love is a cop-out. It puts the onus on the dating world or guys to live up to some standard that would thereby make you “lucky” to have them. That’s ridiculous. It’s up to you to decide what you want and how you’re going to get it. While timing and chance do play a part in meeting people, you’ll never change the narrative if you keep doing the same things over and over again. Embrace accountability and take pride in the role you play in your own journey to love. Once you do, you might be surprised how things start to change.