Former Joyous Celebration singer Bukiwe Twani reveals the many times she’s tried being suicidal and tags it her “Testimony”.
Speaking to TshisaLIVE, Bukiwe said that her first attempted suicide happened just after leaving school. She had wanted to study to be a social worker but her family was not able to afford her studies. She went to work as a cleaner to provide for her family but soon fell into hopelessness and desperation.
“I thought ‘this can’t be my life’. I just wanted the pain to go away. I waited until everyone had left the house and then took pills. I took pills and waited to die. I remember my family coming home, seeing me suffering and my mother crying for me.
“Everything was fuzzy and I couldn’t see anything clearly. I just felt my mother holding me and praying; ‘Please, God. Not my child. Not now.”
The second suicide attempt, got her questioning God as she felt irrelevant after leaving Joyous Celebration group.
“My solo album had just been released and I was nominated for Best Newcomer at the Crown Awards. But then there was nothing. There was no shows. I saw people being booked and knew it should have been me but it wasn’t me. I started to feel like something was wrong with me and maybe I should just go live on the streets because maybe music wasn’t for me.”
“I started to question God. Why wouldn’t he let me die? Why did he bring me back to life to suffer like this? I felt so hopeless.”
After surviving the second suicide through the help of neighbours, she decided to seek help by speaking to her pastor.
Bukiwe shared her story in other to heal anyone going through similar situation.
“I know what it is like to be alone. I know what it is like to not want to get up in the morning. I know what it is like to be so overwhelmed that you just want to end it all so that you won’t hurt anymore. That is why I am trying to help others see the light in themselves. If I can help just one person, it will be worth it.”
The gospel singer will be sharing her experience with audiences at the recording of her new live CD and DVD, to be held at the Soweto Theatre on August 2.
