It’s so easy to get caught up in strong feelings for another person. Love is a potent cocktail of emotions, after all, and it can start to seem like it’s all that really matters.
But experts agree there are quite a few things more important in a relationship than love. And keeping those things in mind, while moving forward as a couple, is essential.
That doesn’t, however, mean you can’t be a total romantic at the same time. Love poems are amazing. Dinner dates are the best. And nothing beats receiving flowers (or pizza) from a doting partner.
Those are nice add-ons; sweet things you can do for each other to show just how passionate you are. But just like your giant heart-shaped eyes, they aren’t what will keep you together.
There is a much more solid foundation for the relationship to last. However, here are seven things that are important than love:
1. Being able to trust each other
It doesn’t matter how much you love another person: If you can’t trust them, it isn’t going to work. Trust is essential to healthy relationships, which is why it’s always one of the first things experts look for when assessing a couple’s connection.
2. Having a solid sense of respect
Have you ever had or witnessed this conversation? “My partner’s such a jerk.” “Then why do you stay with them?” “Because I love them.” This classic exchange shows how love can blind you to the reality of a bad situation, including being with someone who doesn’t show you respect.
Keep in mind, though, how much more important respect is when looking for a solid relationship, than simply being in love.
3. Feeling safe & secure around each other
Are you safe in your relationship? Do you feel secure? If the answer is “no,” then it doesn’t matter even a little bit how much you love the person, especially if it’s become an emotionally abusive relationship. A toxic situation is a toxic situation, no matter how you try to frame it. But it can be really tough to see that when all you’re focused on is love.
4. Working on your overall sense of happiness as a couple
Everyone wants to be happy, and happiness is really important — even though you won’t be happy all the time. In fact, it’s normal to go long periods of time when you’re unhappy, especially if you’re dealing with a crisis. But when you add up the total happy times versus unhappy times, happy times should come out on top.
5. Retaining your sense of Self
You were a “you” before you were a “we,” and you should continue to be a “you” when you get in a relationship. There’s no amount of love that’s worth giving up the essence of who you are. If you get into a relationship and you ultimately lose yourself, forget your own interests, and give up on your goals, that’s a problem.
6. Hanging onto your independence in the relationship
In a similar vein, feeling free to do the things you want to do, to be yourself, to go places, and to have your own thoughts and feelings, is not just important in a relationship — it’s essential. By completing losing all that to love, you’ll actually be doing it as disservice.
7. Creating a fair partnership
There’s nothing better than being with someone who is a true partner in crime. When that’s the case, it’ll feel like you can handle anything as a couple, no matter what life throws your way. If the relationship is unequal, though, and only one person is making an effort, it’ll quickly go downhill.
