8 reasons why you have an unsettled feeling in your relationship

Having a pang in your stomach when it comes to your relationship can be a sign of all sorts of things.

It’s easy to assume that you know exactly why you’re feeling unsettled, but digging a little deeper could reveal some serious red flags.

Be careful not to quickly dismiss your feelings while also not running off with a big assumption. However, spending some time on self-reflection could reveal some harsh truths.

Here are 8 reasons that tells you have an unsettled feeling in your relationship:

1. You two aren’t a good match and you know it
Often your body knows how you’re feeling before your mind even has a chance to catch up. You feel that slight twinge in your lower belly when you’re headed to your partner’s house. One big reason you’re experiencing this uncertainty may be that your partner and you just aren’t good for each other. Perhaps you know this but you don’t want to believe it.

2. You’re emotionally unavailable
Emotional availability is a topic you know all about, but it’s pretty hard to apply it to your own life. You want to believe that you’re the master of feelings and relationships, but in reality, you’ve got some serious blind spots. Maybe that discomfort and those mixed feelings are signs that you’ve still got some work to do on yourself.

3. Your partner is emotionally unavailable
Okay, so you’ve got your emotional availability under control. You know you’re here, ready to be open with your partner. So why do you still feel like something is terribly wrong? Well, maybe it’s not you. Your partner might be the one who’s still got some baggage. They’re secretly hung-up on their ex, they’ve got emotional work to do, or there’s too much going on in their life. The feeling in your tummy may not be anything about you at all.

4. You aren’t over your ex
If you’re emotionally unavailable, you may more specifically not be over your ex. Some signs that this is true are you pining over them, creeping on their social media, or harboring thoughts that someday you may get back together. If you aren’t over your ex, you’re most definitely going to feel twangs of guilt when your current sweetie says “I love you.”

5. Something’s bothering you that you haven’t brought up
Okay, don’t freak out, maybe there isn’t a huge issue here. Sometimes there are problems like incompatibility, but other times it’s also as simple as a comment that your partner made a few days ago. Don’t jump to conclusions right away that the relationship is ill-fitted. Your partner may have just said some insensitive stuff that is easily remedied with a conversation.

6. You did something that was sketchy
Guilt, shame, and remorse make a home in your body. If you haven’t processed something you’ve done, it’s going to sit inside and eat away at your peace of mind. Maybe an ex texted you and instead of ignoring or blocking them, you engaged in a less-than-appropriate conversation. Your unsettled tummy may be telling you that you’ve got to fess up to your partner and cut the crap in the future.

7. You’re not attracted to your partner
It’s okay, you’re not the only one who’s been in the position of being with a super nice person that you just can’t seem to be attracted to. Maybe you’ve been trying to force physical attraction because your partner is super sweet, but it’s just not working. It’s not ever going to work. If the connection isn’t there, you can’t manufacture it. Your feeling-body is going to keep reminding you of this until you end the relationship.

8. Things are moving too fast or too slow
Going with the flow is cool and all in relationships, but sometimes you just aren’t getting what you want or need. Partners can be on different pages when it comes to what they’re used to. If this is the case, it’s time to have a conversation with your sweetie about where you’re both at. Maybe you’re ready for a more serious commitment or you need to pump the brakes in the bedroom.