In the beginning, crushes are thrilling—the swarm of butterflies invading your stomach every time you’re near them, the ridiculous outfit-planning on days you know you might see them, the conversation starters you log into your brain just in case you run into them unexpectedly. But getting over a crush? Not so thrilling. Nope, not at all.
The concept of a “crush” comes from this very sucky truth: You like someone who doesn’t like you back—or isn’t available to rightfully do so—leaving you straight-up crushed.
Who hasn’t found themselves geeking out over a colleague, friend of a friend, or hot roommate? Developing feelings or falling for someone is all part of this messy thing called life—but luckily, so is getting over them.
If it’s any consolation, while this article can’t mend a bruised or broken heart (that’ll take time), it can give you much-needed tips straight from experts to help you let go of your crush and confidently move on. Here’s your how to get over them:
1. Talk it out and let it go
Commit to a big ole vent session with your mom or best friend and get all your feelings out on the table. Talk about what you saw in this person, how much you’re hurting, all the details of your perfect imaginary dates, etc. Get it all out in one fell swoop, and then commit to letting it go.
2. Try not to obsess
While talking it out is good, don’t let the pain be the only thing you talk about. It’s what psychologists call “overtalking,” meaning you share the same sad feelings again and again, to the point that you’re stuck feeling sad all the time as you relive the rejection. When that happens, it can sometimes be good to ask a friend or family member to help distract you. Support doesn’t just have to be talking: Maybe there’s an activity you typically enjoy or a particular place you want to go, and it can be healing to share that experience with someone who cares about you.
3. Don’t haunt their social media accounts
Getting over someone is infinitely harder if you’re looking at their social media accounts all the time! Unfollow. Stop following their Twitter, stop following their Instagram, stop following their Tumblr. You might have to see the object of your affection in class, but why make it harder on yourself? Clearing your screen of your crush’s presence can do wonders.
4. Learn whatever you can
Now that you’re back to feeling like yourself, think about what qualities your old crush had that you’d like to find in a new one. Did they have a great sense of humor? A killer smile? Did you like the same music? What did you not like about this person? You most certainly don’t need to dive right into a new romantic situation, but it’s helpful to figure out what you’re into — and what you’re not — for the next time you find yourself having feelings.
5. Know that this is temporary and you’re not alone
No matter how much your heart is hurting, know that the feelings won’t last forever. You will move on. Feelings — even very negative ones — are actually temporary. There will always be times when you want something intensely and it just doesn’t work out. It’s normal to take a while to rebound from that. But learning that feelings can and do pass — even when it seems like you’ll feel sad forever — is something you can remember the next time you feel down.
6. Get it all out in your journal
Journaling has been proven to reduce stress, clear your mind, and help you move on from negative thoughts. How? Well, first, it allows you to take a moment and focus solely on yourself, and be present in the moment. With this focus comes clarity, and you’re able to get some respite from your emotions and thoughts. Even the act of journaling itself is healing.
